Sometimes being an introvert can feel like a disease or a mental disorder. Especially for me. I grew up in a large family. I love having six other siblings and two loving parents. How I became an introvert? I have no clue. What I do know is that I cant change it. No matter how hard I try to engage in social activities, there will always be this yearning to be alone, in solitude, with a good book, or my own thoughts. But being surrounded by so many extraverted people, I sometimes cannot help but feel like a misfit. When I am in large groups I feel most alone. I hate it when my own thoughts are muffled by the sound of small talk. I'm not shy, or depressed, or mad at the world. It's just when I am alone and left up to my own devices, well things begin to spark, and my imagination sort of just runs wild. I get all these ideas and I feel so stimulated. It is when I am in solitude that I am most inspired to create, to write, and to just be me. Perhaps the hardest part about being an introvert is maintaining relationships. Being alone becomes habit. It becomes a way of life. It becomes an addiction. I'm always looking for a place to hide be it my bedroom, my car, a good book, and most often inside my own head. Once I shared a one bedroom apartment with an ex boyfriend and I used to hide out in the bathroom. What has helped most is gaining understanding about my own introverted tendencies and allowing myself that time to be alone. I have realized that when I do not adhere to those needs, I often take it out on other people or go on introverted binges, not engaging socially with people for days at a time. Regardless of the disadvantages of being an introvert, it has taken me far in my life and it is a large part of who I am as a person. I try and take the advice of successful introverts like Susan Cain, “Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to". And when I read things like “I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit of a loner. It’s been a big part of my maturing process to learn to allow people to support me. I tend to be very self-reliant and private. And I have this history of wanting to work things out on my own and protect people from what’s going on with me.” by the lovely Kerry Washington, I'm reminded that I may be alone, but I'm in good company. Hi I am Jackie, and I'm an introvert.
